HOW TO PROPERLY PUNISH A CHILD

Source: nakita.grid.id

Parents should show their child the limits of what is acceptable. And for this, two mechanisms are used: encouragement and punishment. And you can’t get by with rewards alone, since the child does not always do the right things.

You can’t turn a blind eye to all misconduct, otherwise the little man will not form an idea of ​​\u200b\u200bwhat can and cannot be done. In addition, if you indulge any children's whims, then children develop a selfish attitude towards people and completely lack the concept of the boundaries of what is permitted.

So there must be punishment. However, it should be remembered that punishment is, first of all, a signal to the child that he violates a certain order, a rule. That is, the task of parents is to instill in the baby the concept that there are rules that cannot be broken. These rules must be set by the parents. For example, the most elementary ones are not to lean out the window, not to run out onto the roadway. If you have not established such rules, then you should not demand their implementation.

There are several types of parenting:

Parent "Partner" - he seeks to indulge the child in everything. There is no system in education, the boundaries between what is permitted and what is not permitted are erased. Spoiled children often grow up in such a family.

Parent "Dictator" - in such a family, any initiatives are suppressed. Parents decide everything. A child with such upbringing grows up without initiative, or turns into the same "dictator".

Parent "Senior comrade" - he respects the interests of the child, the opinion of the child is always taken into account. And the parent directs, helps in the formation of moral values.

The first model of the family contributes precisely to the fact that the child grows up without understanding how to behave in this or that situation, does not learn to respect other people, treats everyone around him selfishly.

The second family model, when a child is not respected, not listened to, everything is forbidden and everything is decided for him, contributes to the fact that the child also does not learn to respect others, but instead learns to be afraid of them. When parents order, but do not explain, do not give the child the right to choose, then he does not learn to be responsible for his actions, to control himself, because his parents do it for the child.

Of course, the third family model is the most acceptable. Parents help the child learn to control himself, to recognize the boundaries of what is permitted.

How to prevent child disobedience?

In general, disobedience is easier to prevent than to try to correct the situation later. So try following these tips:

• It is very important to explain all the prohibitions to the child, and not just forbid. So it will be easier for children, more understandable. Talk to your baby in a friendly tone when explaining why you are forbidding him something. You will see that then the child will not have a desire to disobey you out of spite.

• In addition, remember: there must be categorical prohibitions - for example, you can’t touch the iron, and prohibitions that depend on the circumstances - for example, now mom has a headache, so you can’t make noise (and then you can behave not so quietly).

• In no case should parents themselves violate the established rules. After all, you are an example for a child. All family members must follow the rules, because if mom and dad say one thing, and grandmother says another, the child will simply get confused.

• An important point - do not forget about the age of your child. What is permissible for a two-year-old baby is unacceptable for a preschooler. Do not forbid the child to do things that are natural for his age. For example, the baby runs, jumps and falls, respectively, smears clothes. However, running and jumping are the natural needs of a growing baby.

How to punish?

If disobedience could not be prevented, then it is necessary to punish immediately after the misconduct, otherwise the child will simply forget about what he did and will not understand why you are punishing him. In this case, you will not achieve the expected result, and the child will be offended and decide that they do not like him.

So, what is the punishment to choose? Some parents believe that a belt is the best cure for disobedience. However, physical punishment causes a child to feel resentment and embitter him. Children who have been physically abused grow up withdrawn and cruel, striving to beat the weaker ones. By hitting a child, you can inflict mental trauma on him, the consequences of which will not appear immediately, but after many years.

Therefore, try to choose a different method for punishment. Be sure to talk with the baby, explain that you are upset because of his disobedience. It is important for the child to understand that he must be responsible for his actions. That is, if he committed an offense and understands this, he must be punished. But first, find out if he really understood that he was behaving badly. After all, it may turn out that the child committed an offense unconsciously, not on purpose.

In addition, think about how often you praise and encourage your baby? Perhaps there are much fewer rewards than punishments, but a child needs love and affection. Hug your baby more often, tell him that you love him. Maybe then the number of faults will decrease dramatically, because the child will not need to pay attention to himself, the parents will devote enough time to him anyway.

Sometimes a very effective method is to ignore the child. Children need the attention of their parents. Stop talking to the child, and he will immediately want to apologize.

You can forbid your child to watch their favorite cartoons on this day or deprive them of sweets. But, in no case, do not deprive him of a walk, dinner, etc., that is, what are natural needs.

Try to establish symbolic punishment in the family. For example, sitting in place - a chair or sofa. There is no humiliation and cruelty in this punishment, but at the same time, for a child, restriction of movement is a serious deprivation.
In order for the punishment to be not in vain, the child needs to realize that he has violated good relationships with adults. Otherwise punishment becomes just an act of violence.

Psychologists believe that punishment should have a triple meaning. It is to correct the harm caused by bad behavior. Another punishment is aimed at ensuring that such actions do not happen again. And the last meaning is the removal of guilt. That is, the punishment itself should remove the guilt. Thus, the moment of justice is seen in punishment. Indeed, with any punishment, the child must know that the punishment is just, that he is still loved, but in this situation he did wrong.

The punishment should be temporary, for example, two days you can not play on the computer. And don’t remember the child’s previous misdeeds, talk only about what you are punishing for right now.

It is necessary to avoid insults, gluing "labels". Evaluate this particular act of the child, and not his personality. After all, if any person is often repeated that he is a blockhead, then, in the end, he will believe in it. Such behavior on the part of parents forms a child's low self-esteem, which in the future will lead to many problems.
Punishment should not cancel rewards. If you have previously given something to a child, in no case should you take it away for bad deeds. And do not break the promises you made earlier, for example, to go to the zoo.

Often parents, when punishing a child, pursue their own goals, that is, they simply save themselves from unnecessary worries. For example, you are afraid that your child may get injured while playing sports. If a child commits a misdemeanor, he is forbidden to go to training. As a result, the child will not think about his misdeed, but that the parents are unfair.

Sometimes we punish a child because of our bad mood. This is absolutely unacceptable, since we still do not improve our well-being, and the child suffers. The behavior of adults in this case is at odds with the goal and is harmful. The child first cries and asks for forgiveness, but he does not feel guilty, so he does not receive any lesson for the future.

Also, don't forget to forgive. Often we demand an apology only formally, without thinking about whether we are really ready to forgive. To forgive means that you will never remember the wrongdoing in case of further disagreements. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting, it means changing your attitude to what happened. Forgive the offender, console him, because it is hard for him now and explain again why he is punished.

Raising a child is a lot of work. And the main rule in education is love and perception of the child as a person, as a person. Don't forget about it.